If you’re going to spend time with your kids, you might as well dump hundreds of gallons of water on them.

Rare is the day that each member of the Brown clan is gathered around the same table or piled into the Civic. Dinner is (usually) over by the time I get home from work. I drop off at the day care. Sara picks up. I’ll take Casey to the lake while Sara runs to the grocery store with Kieran. Movie going takes place in “Morning Ralph. Morning Sam” type-shifts. She hits the 11:15 am show, while I hit a 9:30 pm showing. Divide and conquer.

It’s not that we don’t want to spend time as a family. It’s just that the activities we do together are, as they say back in the old country: Lame. I pitied the poor furniture salesmen who tried to up-sell us on couches as Casey threw fits about not being able to perform his Cirque du Soleil-like routines on display models (he has an exclusive performance at “O” at the Bellagio through October). Dinners out can be delightfully tolerable or an act of public torture. I should feel bad about shoving my iPhone in my son’s face so he can watch “Wall-E” for the millionth time while I shove my five alarm fire burger in my mouth. I don’t.

As you can see, getting the four of us together takes an act of congress. Or a theme park.

Central Texas isn’t known for its plethora of amusement parks. Longhorns, football stadiums and WalMarts, sure. But for those of us weaned on $5 churros and stroller parking, we have Six Flags and Sea World. Seeing most members of our party wouldn’t opt for Goliath and other amusements (damn height limits), Sea World is our park of choice.

Unless you live inside the Magic Kingdom, then your kids don’t get exposed to the craziness of roller coasters or gigantic costumed characters. It could be the coolest thing they’ve ever seen, or something that gives credence to their wild monsters in the closet tales. All you can do is strap them in and see how their diaper looks afterwards.

For Casey, it was time to prove he’s Evil Knievel in pull-ups.

I vividly remember the time my parents had to drag me, literally, onto Big Thunder Mountain. Not sure if it was my first roller coaster, but there’s something about being terrified that sticks with you. While the Shamu Express is no Space Mountain, Casey was more than happy to take on his first coaster. I’m guessing he didn’t quite know how to feel on the ride, since he neither cried nor laughed. Guessing it was that fun sort of terror you feel when eating a McRib sandwich or watching “Clean Sweep”.
On the other hand, the cargo nets were extremely terrifying. For his mom. Keep in mind that Casey gets intimidated crawling around those playground contraptions at fast food joints. You can imagine the terror in Sara’s face as her spunky three year old climbed a 40 foot cargo net, then proceeded to crawl around the rickety and dangling web of crawl tubes. Not once did he stop and cry for dad to climb up and get him. It’s one thing to be headstrong. It’s another to crawl around tiny spaces and battle 6 year-olds, all the while dangling above the concrete.

Amongst the dolphin shows and walking penguins, the part of Sea World the entire family is able to partake is the Lost Lagoon Waterpark. Granted, Sara and Kieran usually stay in the kiddie pool for the duration of our visit. Just the fact that all four of us can wade around the same pool qualifies as family time.

It’s fun to watch Kieran waddle walk through the pool, unsure of where he is or how he got there, like a UT student on 6th Street. Climbing on a fiberglass starfish or turtle seems to come naturally to him. Him and a wading pool are a perfect fit. The same can’t be said of his baggy swim trunks, however.

As it turns out, big brother is a bit too big for the kiddy pool. The wave pool seems too tame. So, on our past few trips Casey and I have spent our time at the Splash Zone, a three story fun house that serves one purpose: dump as much water on you as possible.

Splash Zone constantly pummels you with water from every direction. You walk thru water, dump water onto others and in general, soak yourself more than humanly possible. As Casey climbs up and down the stairs in his bright orange life jacket, you can see his tiny brain taking in the absurdity of it all. He seems to get the harmless fun of being drenched, of spilling water onto the unknowing passersby.

The joy of Sea World is that it’s one of the few things that my boy and I can enjoy together. He can’t sit though nine innings of baseball like I can. He doesn’t quite get video games. Keep in mind that Casey and I share the “Must Be Doing Something This Very Minute” disease. Many people consider watching TV, typing on the laptop and listening to their iPod at the same time “multitasking”. I call this “a slow evening”. In many ways, the fact we can spend a few hours in the water together is a huge milestone. Thanks to Sea World, the four of us are able to spend a few quality hours together.

Yes, we could just set up the sprinkler in the backyard and save the gas money and admission fees. Sometimes you need to get away from the house.

It’s instant fun. Just add water.

The ramp is located between sections 37 and 38 on the first base side. It lies nestled between two concession stands; Legal Sea Foods to the left and a generic ballpark favorites one to the right. Much like the train tracks that act as “curtains” separating Main Street USA from the Disneyland turnstiles, this ramp acts in much the same way. Walking past it along the dank concourse, you wouldn’t think much of it….until you step through the curtain. 

A trip up the ramp reveals the most spectacular view in the park. The large green wall looms over the pristine grass. Players swat balls into the bleachers with the ease afforded by batting practice pitches. This is the field where Fisk waved it fair and Roberts stole second. Roger fanned 20. This is Fenway Park, where I fell in love with the Red Sox.

Casey’s first live view of Fenway Park came via that ramp on Tuesday, June 10, 2008. Too bad he won’t remember it.

I have no idea when or where I got my first real look at Fenway. I know it wasn’t through that ramp. Traveling up that ramp was something I did on, virtually, every Fenway visit in my youth. I’d dash up that ramp and fish for autographs from any player within earshot.

The route was so familiar that I, instictually, rolled Casey that way for his first glimpse at Fenway. I pointed out the Green Monster and the (two) World Series Champions banners that had been unfurled since my last visit in 2003. Released from his stroller, he found his way down the steps towards the Red Sox dugout. I looked on as my three foot son stood in the shadow of a 37 foot wall that was built in 1947.

I’m sure Sara would have shed a tear at this site, but she wasn’t there. She was back in Austin, caring to the needs of three week old Kieran. Casey and I had traveled back to Boston to attend the wedding of our friends Travis and Megan. It was decided that Sara would sit this one out, as only insane people travel with a three week old. This was incredibly good news for the groom, as Travis occupied the vacated seat in Section 78, row 5. Red Sox tickets were, surprisingly, not on their gift registry. But I think Travis was OK with that.

Before the game, I roamed Fenway with Casey. We sat on Yawkey Way and soaked up the atmosphere. Casey played catch with the baseball player on stilts. We trudged through the Souvenir Store (I deserve some sort of award for being back in Boston and only spending $70 on Red Sox stuff. Sara got candy. So, there). He woofed down his first Fenway Frank and (briefly) held a 2007 World Series ring. I planned to take him up to Ted’s red seat, but we ran out of time. Something to look forward to.

The baseball gods are never fully kind nor cruel. It was only appropriate that the Sox would lose Casey’s first Fenway game. Despite home runs by Drew and Manny, Beckett was ineffective. Ojakeemer and Hansen were awful, and the final score was 10 to 6. We sang “Sweet Caroline”, but “Dirty Water” didn’t drift from the Fenway sound system that night.

The gods smiled upon us at Casey’s second Fenway game the following Thursday. Old friend Bob Zick was this game’s guest. While Mike Lowell’s grand slam highlighted the 9-2 win by the Red Sox, the unforgettable moment was when Casey met Wally the Green Monster in the flesh. Er fabric.

Two year olds are known to be frightened by towering costumed characters. Yet, Casey did remarkably well meeting Mickey and Co. in Disneyland. Wally, however, was a different story. Far from shy, Casey was off-the-charts excited to meet Wally in person. He was so pumped to meet him, all he could do was run around the store and bump into him. It was his first real celebrity sighting. Think of how you’d react to meeting George Clooney or Madonna. If Casey’s head exploded from the excitement, I wouldn’t have been surprised.

As rambunctious and uncontrollable Casey is at home, he was the hit of our section both nights. You can’t really go wrong dressing a toddler in Red Sox gear. Besides the diaper changes, he made it through both games without incident. He’d smile and high five strangers all the while snatching bites of whatever anyone was eating (Kielbasa…why don’t mind if I do….wait…is that Papa Gino’s pizza..why, you shouldn’t have). An angel in the box seats. Nine innings of bliss and a fun trip back east (for the most part).

And Casey won’t remember any of it.

I know there’s a school of thought that thinks children should be old enough to experience “first-times” to ballgames or amusement parks. I get it, but I disagree. It’s not about them, it’s about US. WE are the ones who want to share these moments. It’s just part of the “parent code”. We can’t videotape or photograph every moment our kids experience. And if we do, the camera doesn’t truly capture those emotions or feelings we get in the moment.

Casey’s next trip to Fenway will still rank as a big moment for him. It’s more important that they experience the “wonder” of something, rather than degrade the experience because it wasn’t his first.

 As long as Casey understands that Fenway Park itself is special, he’ll appreciate and remember each and every visit.

Plus..Kieran will be due for his first trip soon. We can’t have jealously between the Brown boys. To be fair, Kieran should visit Chase Field in Arizona so Sara doesn’t feel left out.

*I don’t mind the experimental Polar Bears, black smoke, healing power mythology of Darma Island on ‘Lost’. I can suspend my disbelief for that. What I CAN’T get over is the way Claire is depicted as a mother on the show. It looks like she gets 8 hours of sleep, always perky and alert. My wife can’t get THREE consecutive hours of sleep with all the modern accessories of pacifiers, bouncers and swings she has. Claire’s in the middle of nowhere and she’s glowing with radiance. Was there a breast pump and a Baby Bjorn in the hatch?

*Here’s a deal that Howie can present to me. I would take 8 hours of quiet, calm, continuous sleep every night in exchange for three years of changing the most nauseating, cow dung filled, ooze onto my Sox jersey, vomit inducing, overloaded Pampers every time Casey needs changing.

*There’s no such thing as ‘hopping into the car’ anymore. These days we have a small assortment of gear that we take with us. Baby seat, stroller, diaper bag filled to the brim with essentials and baby friendly music (anything from Baby Einstein to Jack Johnson) . While we didn’t opt for a Doula during birth and can’t afford a Nanny, we’re thinking of hiring a Sherpa, one of those guys who can carry a bedroom furniture set on his back up Mt. Kilimanjaro.

*Sara’s soothing music of choice is “Return to Pooh Corner” by Kenny Loggins. Needless to say, I just don’t get it. Kenny Loggins has given us some great film songs from the gohper-dancing ditty”I’m Allright” from Caddyshack , to the Kevin Bacon dancing’ rebellion song “Footloose”. It’s just weird for me to hear Kenny doing soft-sleep inducing music that’s not screen worthy. Can you imagine “Welcome To Pooh Corner” playing over the Homo-erotic volleyball scene in Top Gun? Thank You.